Kids Are So Innocent

This was a fun little drawing that my five-year-old made for me of our small family. She was very cute and told me that it says, "Mom, Bella and Dad." I had to point out that, "Umm, I think that says 'bab', honey." She looked at it and giggled. In addition to "bab", there are a ton of things about this picture that would make one smile: the flower being bigger than the child, the fact that my hair looks like gigantic ears, that there is no way our bodies could possibly fit in the tiny house, etc. But the funniest part? Dad, on the far right, is looking a little, well, how to put this lightly? Phallic...

Happy Friday!

My 4-Year-Old Teenager

My Bella.

What a handful that girl is. She is just the cutest thing in the world - for the most part. Last night? Not so much.

While Daddy was watching football, Bella and I were upstairs hanging out in the master bedroom. One too many times Bella "accidentally" kicked me. When I had reached my limit, I sent her to her room. No yelling, just a firm, "Bella, you need to go to your room."

As she was walking away with her head down and her feet stomping, she said, "I wish I didn't live in this house!"

My ears must have deceived me. Little girls don't say that! This is teenager crap. I should have eight more years to prepare for that kind of stuff! What could I have mistaken her sentence for? "I wish I didn't lick a mouse"? That was more feasible since kids do weird things. But I knew I hadn't misheard.

I called Bella back into my room and said, "Bella, what did you say?"


Without an ounce of fear or humility, Bella once again repeated, "I wish I didn't live in this house."

The mix of anger and hurt were competing within me. I couldn't very well cry in front of her, so I told her to go back to her room and pack up her things if she wanted to live somewhere else. To my surprise, she walked away without a fuss. After a couple of minutes, I walked into her room to find her laying on her bed. I repeated that she needed to find another place to live if she didn't want to live in my house. She still wasn't scared or sorry. I told her to tell her dad she was leaving.


At this point, Bella knew that I meant business. As she was walking down the stairs, she started crying saying that she didn't want to leave. After a talking to from her dad, she apologized and suddenly became my precious little child again.


This was all in a span of 20 minutes. She is only four. Hot damn, being a parent is hard.

She Should've Known Better

Let me tell you a little story about my day yesterday.

While at work, I left my post at the receptionist desk to check the fax machine. As I was coming back to my desk, a woman was waiting to be helped. This woman was very oddly shaped. She was about a size 14 from her chest up and like a 22 or 24 below. Ok, normally I don't comment on a woman's size, but this woman was wearing spandex from head to toe! I could see every crevasse, ripple, and roll. All I thought was how inappropriate that outfit is on that woman. Was this a mean thing to think? Yes, but you would've understood if you had seen her! And don't you worry, she certainly got back at me for my mean thoughts.

I came back around to my desk and helped the person who was holding for me on the phone. I then turned to the inapproriately dressed, disproportioned woman, smiled in greeting and said, "Hi, how can I help you?"

The woman started off with, "Well..." Then she cuts herself off, points at my stomach, smiled and continued with, "Oh, how cute. You're expecting!"

Blood rushed to my face with a mixture of humiliation and anger. The smile disappeared from my face. Possible responses that flashed through my brain were:

1.) "Wow. You of all people - you should know better than to ask someone that!"

2.) "Oh yes. Baby is coming any day now!"

3.) "No, just fat. Like you."

4.) "No, but you must be! Congratulations!"

Instead, I took the "professional" route and responded with, "No, I'm not. How can I help you?"

The woman didn't apologize and just said, "Ok, I will shut up now." And she continued on with what she came in for in the first place.

Here's the thing: I am big girl. I know that and am trying to fix that. I don't have any misconceptions about my body. I have a lot of weight to lose. I do have a larger belly, but it isn't the hard round pregnant looking stomach. It is a nice soft, come-rest-your-head-on-my-king-sized-pillow-of-a-stomach type of belly. I know that I don't look pregnant. I just look fat.

I am positive that she said what she did to insult me, and not because she really thought I was pregnant. First off, she caught me staring at her body, which I am sure she must not have been pleased by. But the main reason is because she, as a large woman, knows better than to say something like that to someone. She. Should. Know. Better.

Another reason is the lack of humiliation and remorse after I set her straight that I was not pregnant. Or maybe she really was just a moron. Take your pick.

This situation really had me seething all day yesterday and, so far, all day today. Whatever, I have a date with the gym after work to try and get rid of my faux pregnancy.

Hopefully your Monday ended a little better than mine did.

The H2O Diet

Drinking water is good for you. I know that. I have heard a ton of different wonderful things about water in relation to the well-being of one's body. Other than being good for your skin (which I totally need to improve!), it is supposed to help you lose weight for a number of reasons, including:

1.) You burn 12 calories by drinking cold water (however, your body absorbs water better at room temperature, go figure.)

2.) Drinking one glass of water before a meal will make you feel full faster; thus you don't risk overeating (this really isn't the case for me.)

3.) Drinking water speeds up the fat-burning process. (the jury is still out with this one.)

Well, those reasons are all fine and dandy, but I will tell you the real reason you lose weight by drinking more water. Be warned, this tale may be a bit TMI for some of you...

I am one of those people that normally doesn't drink water. I am a soda addict, but will otherwise drink juice or something with some flavor to it. However, within the last 4-6 months, I have started to force myself to drink more water. On an average work day, I will drink a 23.8 oz. bottle of Smart Water before my lunch break, and another one after my lunch break. This is on a good day. Sometimes, that bottle sits at my desk completely full and stares at me in all its sparkling promise of weight-loss.

Anyhoo, since Germaine is noticing some positive results with her skin by drinking more water, I decided to up my daily dose too. Yesterday, I drank a cup of coffee in the morning and then drank one bottle of water before my first break at 10:30 am. I refilled my bottle and drank about half of it. Now, this would be half a bottle more than I normally drink in that time frame, plus the extra liquid of coffee in my system.

During my lunch, at noon, I went to the bathroom and pretty much peed water out. Seriously, I left a super clear bowl of water in the toilet. I then went out to my car to read a book and at 12:30 I started feeling the urge again. I told myself, "Self, you can wait a half hour."

Self was wrong. Ten minutes later, I got out of my car, ran to the bathroom and squatted (because I didn't have time to get out one of those paper cover thingies) for five minutes as my bladder emptied. Alright. I should be done. 

Nope. When I was done with lunch twenty minutes later, I went again. For another five minutes. I then sat at my desk and started working. Thirty minutes later, there was that dreaded tingling sensation. "I can hold it! I can hold it!" I think to myself.

One minute later.
Two minutes later.
Four minutes.
Five minutes.
Seven.
Eight.

Nine excruciating minutes later, I pass a fellow co-worker asking them to cover my desk as I fly to the bathroom! Let's recap that: In the span of two hours, I emptied my bladder FOUR times!

So the secret to water in relation to weight-loss isn't what you may have been taught. The secret is the calories you lose from the exorbitant amount of times that you have to run to and from the bathroom and the calories lost as you are in the squatting position for five torturous minutes as your body hovers over the toilet since you didn't have time to cover the seat.

Forget fiction, I should write a weight-loss book. 

Creepy. Like, Old Lady Creepy

Ok, I have reached a whole nother level of inappropriateness. If you don't know, my first venture into Creepy Old Lady mode is when I realized that I have a crush on this boy young man:

But how could I not?! He is just so darn cute. And those baby blues! Don't get me started. Vanessa Hudgens is a lucky girl - have I mentioned that she is half Filipino? I already have a foot in the door - stop it! Bad, Nearly-Thirty-Year-Old! Bad! Bad! 

Like I said, I know that my crush is inappropriate because I really am too old to have a crush on Zac Efron. But my love for Zac is nothing compared to what I have recently done. A picture says a thousand words right? Ok, here you go, my iPod touch and my newest musical purchase:

I was at a store recently and I picked up Justin Bieber's CD. I like his songs "One Time" and "One Less Lonely Girl", but not enough to have bought those songs. Recently, I heard his song with Ludacris, "Baby", which is why I contemplated buying Justin's newest CD. Well, I put the CD back and decided to check it out on iTunes instead. I have a rule that if I like at least five songs, then I just buy the entire album rather than buying each song individually. There were a few songs that I checked out and liked, but then I listened to a bonus track, the one song on the album that you can't buy individually - either buy the album or go without the song. It was called "Kiss and Tell". I proceeded to click on the "Buy Album" option. This song is pop music at its best! It is upbeat and catchy with really cute lyrics. This song is pretty much on repeat on my iPod. The last time I got stuck on a song like this was "Confessions II" on Usher's Confessions album. (yes, I threw that Usher reference in there to try and make myself seem my age. Oh, and a little cooler. Hopefully...)I will let you know how the rest of the CD is when I get past "Kiss and Tell".

Is there a support group for people with Teeny Bopper Syndrome?