Thursday, August 26, 2010

Someone get me out of here!

Something devastating happened to me last Wednesday (ok, not quite as devastating as my story from yesterday).

I am a member of Bally's gym. I pay a grand total of $9.63 a month for my membership, which includes child care while I work out. But you get what you pay for: the gym is older and so is the equipment, the child care area is a room with a TV, a whole bunch of VHS tapes, and toys. Nothing spectacular. But I pay NINE DOLLARS AND SIXTY THREE CENTS A MONTH! You won't find a gym membership for that price anywhere.

So, I went to Bally's and noticed that the parking lot was pretty empty for a Wednesday evening. When I get up to the door, there is a large sign that informed members that the gym was closing. CLOSING?! Nooooooo!!! The closest Bally's to me is 20 minutes out of my way, I have no choice but to look for a new gym.

I settle on L.A. Fitness, which is $34.99 a month, plus $10 for child care. Ouch! I am then asked to make an appointment for a "fit test". I have had to do these before: they pinch your fat with a claw-like contraption to determine your body fat percentage, they take your measurements, they weigh you and they usually work you out and try to sell you on a trainer.

What I didn't know is that they will keep you there for 45 minutes trying to sell you a trainer even after you have made it perfectly clear that you are not interested because you are not ready to sign up with a trainer, you do boot camp, your membership just went up like a thousand percent and you can't afford to pay for the service. The salesman actually had the nerve to ask, "Cost aside, what would be the best option for you? For your health? For your body?"

My favorite conversation from this session was:

Obnoxious Salesman: I know that cost is a big issue, but let me put it to you this way: How many cars have you had?
Me: Two.
OS: Have you ever had a car payment?
Me: Yes.
OS: Did you enjoy having that car payment?
Me: No.
OS: So why did you buy the car then?
Me: I had to.
OS: So, you have had two cars, right?
Me: Yes.
OS: And how many bodies will you have?
Me: One.
OS: So wouldn't this be something you need to do for the one body you will have?
Me: No. Joining the gym was something I felt I needed to do. Getting a trainer is not.

*Insert crickets chirping here*

Seriously, this guy was a certified salesman. Never giving in to the word "NO". It got to a point where his "assistant" (who had been the one to actually do the training session with me) was so uncomfortable that he started looking in different directions, trying to remove himself from the awkwardness as much as possible without actually being able to get up and walk away.

Finally, Obnoxious Salesman wrapped the conversation up with, "Ok, so what do you think?" He then leaned back in his chair like he just nailed it and was waiting for his reward.

Instead, I shook my head and finished the conversation with the same statement I started it with, “I am not ready to sign up for a trainer.”

So thank you, Obnoxious Salesman, for wasting your time, wasting my time, wasting my daughter's time who was sitting in your child care area for 45 minutes instead of spending quality time with me. Come to think of it, I should've had my daughter sitting with us at the table. Ten minutes with my rambunctious, hungry 4-year-old and Obnoxious Salesman would've been done. Damn, why didn't I think of that sooner?

The one fun thing about this whole thing was that the salesman thought I was like 22 or 24. For some reason I told him I was 29 even though I don't turn 29 for another few weeks. This is very strange for someone like me who dreads every birthday. Then the assistant thought the same thing and did not believe I was 29 (which, ok, isn't entirely true anyway) and thought I was 24 at most. Of course I realize this could have been a sales trick - you know, flatter the clients to win over their money - but whatever, it kind of worked, I was flattered. Especially after Monday's wonderful ending.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

She Should've Known Better

Let me tell you a little story about my day yesterday.

While at work, I left my post at the receptionist desk to check the fax machine. As I was coming back to my desk, a woman was waiting to be helped. This woman was very oddly shaped. She was about a size 14 from her chest up and like a 22 or 24 below. Ok, normally I don't comment on a woman's size, but this woman was wearing spandex from head to toe! I could see every crevasse, ripple, and roll. All I thought was how inappropriate that outfit is on that woman. Was this a mean thing to think? Yes, but you would've understood if you had seen her! And don't you worry, she certainly got back at me for my mean thoughts.

I came back around to my desk and helped the person who was holding for me on the phone. I then turned to the inapproriately dressed, disproportioned woman, smiled in greeting and said, "Hi, how can I help you?"

The woman started off with, "Well..." Then she cuts herself off, points at my stomach, smiled and continued with, "Oh, how cute. You're expecting!"

Blood rushed to my face with a mixture of humiliation and anger. The smile disappeared from my face. Possible responses that flashed through my brain were:

1.) "Wow. You of all people - you should know better than to ask someone that!"

2.) "Oh yes. Baby is coming any day now!"

3.) "No, just fat. Like you."

4.) "No, but you must be! Congratulations!"

Instead, I took the "professional" route and responded with, "No, I'm not. How can I help you?"

The woman didn't apologize and just said, "Ok, I will shut up now." And she continued on with what she came in for in the first place.

Here's the thing: I am big girl. I know that and am trying to fix that. I don't have any misconceptions about my body. I have a lot of weight to lose. I do have a larger belly, but it isn't the hard round pregnant looking stomach. It is a nice soft, come-rest-your-head-on-my-king-sized-pillow-of-a-stomach type of belly. I know that I don't look pregnant. I just look fat.

I am positive that she said what she did to insult me, and not because she really thought I was pregnant. First off, she caught me staring at her body, which I am sure she must not have been pleased by. But the main reason is because she, as a large woman, knows better than to say something like that to someone. She. Should. Know. Better.

Another reason is the lack of humiliation and remorse after I set her straight that I was not pregnant. Or maybe she really was just a moron. Take your pick.

This situation really had me seething all day yesterday and, so far, all day today. Whatever, I have a date with the gym after work to try and get rid of my faux pregnancy.

Hopefully your Monday ended a little better than mine did.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

'S On Like Donkey Kong!

I have been in a funk lately. A diet/exercise/health funk. I struggle with this constantly.

Since my brother's wedding way back in June, I have checked out of living healthy. I have since gained back a little over 10 pounds. I am shamed.

I realized that I needed something other than the idea of having a fit body to motivate me because, frankly, that just seems so out of reach right now. I tried to tell myself to lose 20 pounds by my birthday in September, hoping that would put me back on track. Nope. Didn't work.

But alas! I have some crazy co-workers that have decided to join me in my weight-loss journey. We are starting a small office pool (right now it consists of two other co-workers and one of their boyfriends). A Biggest Loser type of contest.

Each contestant buys-in for $50 and the goal is to lose the highest percentage of body weight in one month. On September 10th the winner gets the cashola! We may have a couple more people that will enter who will have to weigh in tomorrow and their last day will be September 11th.

I am super excited and this contest really did the trick to motivate me. My inspiration for the month? Why, none other than Miss Jennifer Hudson!

To close this post, I am going to have to do a dreaded weight recap (eek!)

Current Weight: 206.0 lbs. (The Horror!!!)