My 4-Year-Old Teenager

My Bella.

What a handful that girl is. She is just the cutest thing in the world - for the most part. Last night? Not so much.

While Daddy was watching football, Bella and I were upstairs hanging out in the master bedroom. One too many times Bella "accidentally" kicked me. When I had reached my limit, I sent her to her room. No yelling, just a firm, "Bella, you need to go to your room."

As she was walking away with her head down and her feet stomping, she said, "I wish I didn't live in this house!"

My ears must have deceived me. Little girls don't say that! This is teenager crap. I should have eight more years to prepare for that kind of stuff! What could I have mistaken her sentence for? "I wish I didn't lick a mouse"? That was more feasible since kids do weird things. But I knew I hadn't misheard.

I called Bella back into my room and said, "Bella, what did you say?"


Without an ounce of fear or humility, Bella once again repeated, "I wish I didn't live in this house."

The mix of anger and hurt were competing within me. I couldn't very well cry in front of her, so I told her to go back to her room and pack up her things if she wanted to live somewhere else. To my surprise, she walked away without a fuss. After a couple of minutes, I walked into her room to find her laying on her bed. I repeated that she needed to find another place to live if she didn't want to live in my house. She still wasn't scared or sorry. I told her to tell her dad she was leaving.


At this point, Bella knew that I meant business. As she was walking down the stairs, she started crying saying that she didn't want to leave. After a talking to from her dad, she apologized and suddenly became my precious little child again.


This was all in a span of 20 minutes. She is only four. Hot damn, being a parent is hard.

The Joys of Aging

Has anyone noticed the lack of posts lately? Well, I have. It has everything to do with my lack of exercising and dieting.

A few weeks back, my right hip was hurting pretty badly. But it was one of those things that I figured would go away on its own. Well, it didn't. Three weeks of aches and limping caused me to finally call my doctor. That same week, I had stopped running and going to the gym. Wouldn't ya know it, my hip started to feel better. My doctor advised to continue to lay off the whole running bit for now, but it was ok to continue to go to the gym I would just have to avoid exercises working out my hip flexor area. Of course I took that as a sign to discontinue working out altogether.

At the time of my appointment, my doctor advised that I see a sports medicine specialist to figure out what is going on with my hip. Ha! The thought of me, me of little exercise and lots of eating, going to a sports medicine doctor was unfathomable, but whatever, I do what I am told. One of the prerequisites to seeing a sports medicine doctor is to have an x-ray done of the affected area. Well, that was back on August 27th.

They apparently found something out of the norm in my x-ray and they wanted to do an MRI. Don't fret folks, the person I spoke to was clear that it isn't something to be concerned about, but because the x-ray didn't come back 100% normal, they need to do the MRI as a precautionary thing.

I have never had an MRI done. I know what the machine looks like and was nervous to lay inside a coffin-like contraption. What made me even more jittery and anxious was the questionnaire they conducted over the phone: No, I don't have shrapnel in my body. No, I don't suffer from claustraphobia (although I have never really tried to lock myself inside of a closet before - you know, just to see how it feels). No, I don't have siezures. No. No. No, to all of their questions. I found out after the call that I should've said "yes" to claustraphobia because I would've gotten a lovely prescription for Vallum.

Anyway, everyone I spoke to said the exact same thing about an MRI:

1.) It is no big deal.
2.) They give you headphones with music playing.
3.) It takes about 20-25 minutes.

On Monday, the date of my MRI (which had been pushed back by a week, by the way), my nerves were calmed down a bit by all the reassurances I was getting. John drove me there and he likes to show up for functions at least an hour early (no joke). Around 1:20-ish, a very nice lady came to get me, but she appeared to be going in the wrong direction because she was headed outside and all that was back there was a trailer.

Oh, but the joke was on me. That's right, I was going into a trailer. This is where I should've realized itwas not going to be the easy breezy experience everyone lead me to believe. I get into the lift (because apparently they don't want me to hurt myself clambering up the two foot staircase) and they roll up the door to the trailer.

There it is: the MRI machine. Located in a handy dandy, sturdy trailer.

The hole I am supposed to lay in is even smaller than I had imagined. I lay down and am immediately uncomfortable. I should've asked for a pillow under my lower back. I don't have a voluptious booty or anything, but I do have quite the mass of body in my hips (attractive, I know) which caused my back to be arched the entire time. To make matters worse, I had to point my feet slightly inwards. Sound easy? You try it then! My feet naturally turn outwards when I lay on my back. I believe this is true for most people because the tech had her tape ready to tape my feet in place.

Let's recap: Im in a trailer. My back hurts. My feet are taped in an awkward position.

I am then told that the MRI will be about 45 minutes. What?! I try my best to not let my shock and fear show. Ok, breathe. I am good. Give me my headphones.

Tech: "Ok, I am going to give you these earplugs because the machine is so loud."

Ear plugs? Don't you mean headphones with nice relaxing music to put me at ease? Nope, full on squishy, neon yellow ear plugs. I figure it is too late to run now and I shove those suckers into my ear canal and pray that I make it through. The machine sucks me in and the first thing I see are faint long marks/scratches on the inner chamber of the MRI. Realistically, I am sure it was left by someone cleaning the machine or even possibly someone a little larger whose buttons have scraped the machine a bit. But reality wasn't setting in at that moment and to me, well, to my irrational mind saw those marks as someone desperately trying to claw their way out of the coffin! I nearly pressed my panic button at that point.

Then the clicking came on. Then, the noise. The Noise. For those of you that have never had an MRI done, let me explain The Noise to you: it is a mix between the whooshing of hearing a baby's heartbeat while in the mother's womb and the siren of a police car. It was a constant wave of wah! wah! wah! wah! and weoh! weoh! weoh! weoh!

Finally, nearly an hour later, it was over. But I couldn't get up! My back was so achy that the tech had to reach out a hand to assist me. And for those of you that think I was just being a big baby, the tech had apologized that I had to be in there that long!

Tech: "Most of them are a lot shorter than what you had to do, but some of them are even longer."

Me: "So for the most part I should be happy mine was as short as it was, right?"

Tech: "Um, no. You were in there for a pretty good amount of time."

A to the w-e-s-o-m-e.

Someone get me out of here!

Something devastating happened to me last Wednesday (ok, not quite as devastating as my story from yesterday).

I am a member of Bally's gym. I pay a grand total of $9.63 a month for my membership, which includes child care while I work out. But you get what you pay for: the gym is older and so is the equipment, the child care area is a room with a TV, a whole bunch of VHS tapes, and toys. Nothing spectacular. But I pay NINE DOLLARS AND SIXTY THREE CENTS A MONTH! You won't find a gym membership for that price anywhere.

So, I went to Bally's and noticed that the parking lot was pretty empty for a Wednesday evening. When I get up to the door, there is a large sign that informed members that the gym was closing. CLOSING?! Nooooooo!!! The closest Bally's to me is 20 minutes out of my way, I have no choice but to look for a new gym.

I settle on L.A. Fitness, which is $34.99 a month, plus $10 for child care. Ouch! I am then asked to make an appointment for a "fit test". I have had to do these before: they pinch your fat with a claw-like contraption to determine your body fat percentage, they take your measurements, they weigh you and they usually work you out and try to sell you on a trainer.

What I didn't know is that they will keep you there for 45 minutes trying to sell you a trainer even after you have made it perfectly clear that you are not interested because you are not ready to sign up with a trainer, you do boot camp, your membership just went up like a thousand percent and you can't afford to pay for the service. The salesman actually had the nerve to ask, "Cost aside, what would be the best option for you? For your health? For your body?"

My favorite conversation from this session was:

Obnoxious Salesman: I know that cost is a big issue, but let me put it to you this way: How many cars have you had?
Me: Two.
OS: Have you ever had a car payment?
Me: Yes.
OS: Did you enjoy having that car payment?
Me: No.
OS: So why did you buy the car then?
Me: I had to.
OS: So, you have had two cars, right?
Me: Yes.
OS: And how many bodies will you have?
Me: One.
OS: So wouldn't this be something you need to do for the one body you will have?
Me: No. Joining the gym was something I felt I needed to do. Getting a trainer is not.

*Insert crickets chirping here*

Seriously, this guy was a certified salesman. Never giving in to the word "NO". It got to a point where his "assistant" (who had been the one to actually do the training session with me) was so uncomfortable that he started looking in different directions, trying to remove himself from the awkwardness as much as possible without actually being able to get up and walk away.

Finally, Obnoxious Salesman wrapped the conversation up with, "Ok, so what do you think?" He then leaned back in his chair like he just nailed it and was waiting for his reward.

Instead, I shook my head and finished the conversation with the same statement I started it with, “I am not ready to sign up for a trainer.”

So thank you, Obnoxious Salesman, for wasting your time, wasting my time, wasting my daughter's time who was sitting in your child care area for 45 minutes instead of spending quality time with me. Come to think of it, I should've had my daughter sitting with us at the table. Ten minutes with my rambunctious, hungry 4-year-old and Obnoxious Salesman would've been done. Damn, why didn't I think of that sooner?

The one fun thing about this whole thing was that the salesman thought I was like 22 or 24. For some reason I told him I was 29 even though I don't turn 29 for another few weeks. This is very strange for someone like me who dreads every birthday. Then the assistant thought the same thing and did not believe I was 29 (which, ok, isn't entirely true anyway) and thought I was 24 at most. Of course I realize this could have been a sales trick - you know, flatter the clients to win over their money - but whatever, it kind of worked, I was flattered. Especially after Monday's wonderful ending.

She Should've Known Better

Let me tell you a little story about my day yesterday.

While at work, I left my post at the receptionist desk to check the fax machine. As I was coming back to my desk, a woman was waiting to be helped. This woman was very oddly shaped. She was about a size 14 from her chest up and like a 22 or 24 below. Ok, normally I don't comment on a woman's size, but this woman was wearing spandex from head to toe! I could see every crevasse, ripple, and roll. All I thought was how inappropriate that outfit is on that woman. Was this a mean thing to think? Yes, but you would've understood if you had seen her! And don't you worry, she certainly got back at me for my mean thoughts.

I came back around to my desk and helped the person who was holding for me on the phone. I then turned to the inapproriately dressed, disproportioned woman, smiled in greeting and said, "Hi, how can I help you?"

The woman started off with, "Well..." Then she cuts herself off, points at my stomach, smiled and continued with, "Oh, how cute. You're expecting!"

Blood rushed to my face with a mixture of humiliation and anger. The smile disappeared from my face. Possible responses that flashed through my brain were:

1.) "Wow. You of all people - you should know better than to ask someone that!"

2.) "Oh yes. Baby is coming any day now!"

3.) "No, just fat. Like you."

4.) "No, but you must be! Congratulations!"

Instead, I took the "professional" route and responded with, "No, I'm not. How can I help you?"

The woman didn't apologize and just said, "Ok, I will shut up now." And she continued on with what she came in for in the first place.

Here's the thing: I am big girl. I know that and am trying to fix that. I don't have any misconceptions about my body. I have a lot of weight to lose. I do have a larger belly, but it isn't the hard round pregnant looking stomach. It is a nice soft, come-rest-your-head-on-my-king-sized-pillow-of-a-stomach type of belly. I know that I don't look pregnant. I just look fat.

I am positive that she said what she did to insult me, and not because she really thought I was pregnant. First off, she caught me staring at her body, which I am sure she must not have been pleased by. But the main reason is because she, as a large woman, knows better than to say something like that to someone. She. Should. Know. Better.

Another reason is the lack of humiliation and remorse after I set her straight that I was not pregnant. Or maybe she really was just a moron. Take your pick.

This situation really had me seething all day yesterday and, so far, all day today. Whatever, I have a date with the gym after work to try and get rid of my faux pregnancy.

Hopefully your Monday ended a little better than mine did.

'S On Like Donkey Kong!

I have been in a funk lately. A diet/exercise/health funk. I struggle with this constantly.

Since my brother's wedding way back in June, I have checked out of living healthy. I have since gained back a little over 10 pounds. I am shamed.

I realized that I needed something other than the idea of having a fit body to motivate me because, frankly, that just seems so out of reach right now. I tried to tell myself to lose 20 pounds by my birthday in September, hoping that would put me back on track. Nope. Didn't work.

But alas! I have some crazy co-workers that have decided to join me in my weight-loss journey. We are starting a small office pool (right now it consists of two other co-workers and one of their boyfriends). A Biggest Loser type of contest.

Each contestant buys-in for $50 and the goal is to lose the highest percentage of body weight in one month. On September 10th the winner gets the cashola! We may have a couple more people that will enter who will have to weigh in tomorrow and their last day will be September 11th.

I am super excited and this contest really did the trick to motivate me. My inspiration for the month? Why, none other than Miss Jennifer Hudson!

To close this post, I am going to have to do a dreaded weight recap (eek!)

Current Weight: 206.0 lbs. (The Horror!!!)

Oh! Oh! Oh! Chocolates

Is it possible to experience the big "O" by eating chocolate? I say, quite possibly, yes.

Last Saturday I went to Oh! Chocolate with my girlfriends. It is a fancy chocolate truffles store and they offer a chocolate class for $59.

It was worth every penny.

When we walked to the far end of the store, there were two large marble-top tables covered with wax paper. When resting my forearms on the table, I quickly learned how cold marble is in an overly air-conditioned room on a warm summer day.

When you sit down, you are greeted with an offer for either their java or homemade hot chocolate. Now, this isn't your everyday Swiss Miss hot cocoa. This was the syrupy, decadent stuff that Julliette Binoche served to Johnny Depp in the movie Chocolat. I have wanted to try this hot chocolate for the longest time, so even with the warning that they were running low on the hot chocolate, I still opted for a cup half full. Those six sinful ounces alone was worth the full amount that I paid for the class. Seriously. I took a picture of it, but it just didn't give it justice - just imagine smooth, thick, silkyness coating your tongue and throat in liquid ecstasy and you will get the picture (my, my, is it getting hot in here?).

Shortly after licking my cup clean, the class started. It was being conducted by one of the original owner's grandsons, who shall henceforth be called the "Chocolate Ninja" due to his line of work and the fact that he pulled out a big ass pocket knife and proceeded to tell us about how he takes some kind of martial arts classes. I really enjoyed the fact that a relative of the owner was giving the class, because he was able to provide some family moments and memories that personalized the whole experience. Anyway, during his whole spiel, we had this plate of chocolate in front of us:

Starting at the 12:00 position: cocoa nibs, dark chocolate, mango jalapeno truffle (not something I really like, but still managed to eat the whole thing), semi-sweet, and white.

We started the tasting with the cocoa nibs. They were crunchy, and nutty. Nothing like what you would expect chocolate to originate from. But then we were told to rub them between our hands to warm them up. This brought out a whole new flavor in the cocoa nibs; they became sweeter.


Next were the dark chocolate chips. Chocolate Ninja set us up by asking the question, “Who here likes dark chocolate?” The majority of the class raised their hands. “Let’s test that.” Chocolate Ninja ominously replied.


I put half of one large, flat chip into my mouth. Only one flavor came through: bitter. It was unpleasant to say the least. It is what I would imagine coffee grinds on my tongue to taste like. Unfortunately, for my friend, Lauren, she decided to put an entire chip in her mouth and proceeded to show me her best Bitter Beer Face.


The other three chocolates were dark, semi-sweet, and white. I am not a dark chocolate kind of gal, but this particular one seriously won me over. It was rich, dark smoothness. The dark chocolate was my favorite by far.

Next on the agenda was chocolate tempering time! We were provided with two full cups of chocolate:

To temper the chocolate, you simply had to pour a good amount onto the table and just keep mixing it around with your hand until it thickened and cooled a bit. Once it was at the right temperature, we got to cover an array of snacks: Oreos (my personal favorite!), marshmallows, pretzels, potato chips, graham crackers, strawberries, blueberries, and anything else you may have brought with you (I know for next time to bring gummy bears with me!). I started running out of room on my part of the table. To fix that problem, I simply started eating the stuff I had just covered in chocolate. They actually provided us with so much food that my hand started cramping up! I had to quit a little early because of it. But out of all the things I made, the best was still these:

CHOCOLATE FINGERS!!!

At the end of the class, you are left with this “plate” of tempered chocolate. We were advised by Lauren’s parents that this must be taken home and eaten. So I boxed that right up too.

This class is just about the worst thing a dieter can put themselves through, but it really was worth the extra eight hours in the gym!

Some more fun chocolote loving pictures:

This was my take home box. There were three additional layers underneath that looked just like this one.

Do I have anything in my teeth?

Germaine getting creative with her graham crackers.

The happy aftermath of some chocolate loving!

You know you are a fatty if...

I thought I would open today's post with my own version of Jeff Foxworthy's "You know you're a redneck if..." because of all the incidents I have had lately regarding my, um, how shall I put it? Largeness. So, you know you are a fatty if...

... family that hasn't seen you in a while tell you how much weight it looks like you have lost, but you are still not able to fit in your bridesmaid dress.

... the person behind the counter at the new burger joint advises not to get the mozzarella sticks you just ordered for your table in addition to the meals.

... your 4-year-old daughter's response to you not having a bathing suit is, "You need to buy a baybing suit in your size. Ok, Mommy? Get one that will fit your big belly, ok?"

If you have experienced any of the above, then I am sorry to tell you that yes, you are a fatty. But that can always be changed!

I went to boot camp yesterday for the first time in three weeks. It was pretty brutal. I was glad to see that although I hadn't done any running in three weeks, I was still able to complete a lap without stopping, while holding weighted balls - 13 pounds to be exact! Today, my quads are killing me and I am doing a great imitation of an 80-year-old woman everytime I try to stand up.

100th Post!

I feel like a television show with a special new episode to celebrate the big 100!

Anyway, to comemorate this blog milestone, I have decided to introduce a new blog format. I was inspired a little while ago by Pam  when she changed it up on her old blog and dedicated each day to a specific topic. I am not saying that I am guaranteeing a post every day, but with a specific structure I may be able to post more often. As you have noticed, I have been a poor blogger and hopefully this new format will get me out of my blogging rut. 

Lately, all I have been blogging about is my weight. But there is more to me than my weight issues. I have issues. Lots of issues. So let me share them with you!

Ok, here is what I am thinking would be a fun new format:

Monday
Mondays are usually just about work for me, so I have no creativity in me. I think I will take Mondays to write about goals I may have for the week, or share stories about my family, friends and other miscellaneous stuff. Hey, Miscellaneous Monday! I do love myself some alliteration!

Tuesday
I am hoping to write more about, well, writing! Still haven't gotten into the swing of things, but I will include anything from books I am currently reading (which is none right now), writing I have done (which is none right now), and maybe even a little about books turned movies/TV shows. Basically anything related to reading, writing, and/or publishing.

Wednesay
Wednesdays will remain as "Weigh-In Wednesdays". I haven't really weighed myself in a week or so and was up quite a bit the last time I did. It will be interesting/terrifying to see what my "official" weight will be this Wednesday.

Thursday
I actually despise Thursdays. I have always felt like Thursday was a big tease. See, Monday and Tuesday is so early in the work week that I don't even think about when the weekend is coming. Wednesdays are about the same for me. No big deal. But Thursdays are just such a big tease! You are thisclose to the weekend, but not quite there yet.

So, to get me out of the Thursday Blues, I figure I would post about stuff I love! For those of you that hate materialistic people, you will need to opt out for these posts, because it will likely be about fabulous things I find on the internet or some divine purchase I just made. I love stuff!

Friday
Fridays will be my "If I Was A Stick" day. As in Mary-Kate and Ashley Olson skinny. To motivate myself to lose weight, I have always talked about things I would do or what I would wear if I were skinny. Boy would I be active and social if I was slim.

There you have it, my tentative new blogging format. I will likely deviate from time to time, but hey, it's my blog, right? Nothing is written in stone and I am certainly open to suggestions. I think I will start this new format next week. Ah, nothing like a good make-a-plan-then-procrastinate combination.

Bad, Bad Bloggess!

Oh my goodness, has it really been nearly a month since I last blogged?! Have I really been devoid of thought for the last three and a half weeks?

Actually, it is the complete opposite. I have just been so busy with work, my brother's wedding (which happened two Fridays ago) and having family in town that I haven't been able to find the time to do any extracurriculars, like blogging. As a matter of fact, I haven't even been to the gym or done boot camp for almost two weeks now!

For those of you that are wondering, I didn't lose quite as much weight as I had hoped to before my brother's wedding. I slightly resembled an overstuffed sausage in the dress. Actually, more like an overstuffed hot link - the dress was red. However, there was family at the wedding that I hadn't seen since Christmas and I got a lot of "oh you have lost weight!" This certainly lifted my spirits about how I looked. But as the pictures started trickling in, I began my self-depracating routine and hated every shot of me! I was able to find one that I liked of me though, mainly because my daughter and her cousin was covering the majority of my sausasgeness:

The good news about a too tight bridesmaid dress is that I couldn't physically stuff my face with all the scrumptious food as much as I had hoped to. This caused me to get down to 192.8 as of the Saturday after the wedding. But I have certainly made up for it in the last week.

With the wedding behind me, I find that it is a struggle to get back to counting calories and going to the gym. Apparently I have chosen gluttony and sloth as my sins of choice for this week.

At this point, I have no clue what my weight is. There is no doubt in my mind that I have reached the 198-200 pound mark again. I was hoping to go back to the gym last week, but I have been suffering from chest congestion and a cough. The cough still hasn't gone away completely, but I am going to try and go back to the gym tomorrow. I will post more pictures of the wedding as soon as I can get my act together and organize my life again.

Weigh-In Wednesday #23

Oh you guys will be so proud of me! I have lost 2.6 pounds this week! I implemented the circuit training that my boot camp trainer recommended which includes five minutes on the Stairmaster at level six, followed by 15 push-ups, 15 shoulder lifts (again, I am making the names up), and 15 tricep curls. I had to do this four times. The Stairmaster portion was brutal because I normally do it at level four.

In addition, I have still been sticking to my morning runs/jogs and even did my first 10 minute run/jog in over five years! I had a very good week in the working out department, but my eating habits are still suffering. Man, could I have possibly lost five pounds this week had I stuck to my calorie counting? In all honesty, if you saw what I ate on Saturday and Sunday, then the answer would be a resounding, YES!!!

But I am super happy with my 2.6 pounds and feel like I am on a roll. Skinnybitchdom, here I come!

Oh, and let me give a warm welcome to some lovely new friends:
Cheyenne - thanks to your advice, I have started bringing my netbook to my daughter's gymnastics class and have started writing again!
Melissa - who has a countdown to her vacation at the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. You know I started following her the moment I saw that! My trip is sadly much further into the future, September 2011 to be exact.
Renae - thanks for your comment yesterday! I am totally feeling like this whole weight-loss blogging is worth while and certainly keeping my spirits up.

Thanks for the support ladies!

I have been a poor blogger/follower lately because work has been busy and I have been stressed about fitting into my bridesmaid dress. But I will be on track soon enough!

Weight: 195.6 lbs.
Total Weight Lost: 34.4 lbs.

Weigh-In Wednesday #22

One more pound gone! Not quite my two pounds a week goal, but we will be celebrating the small victories! I figure I need to lose at least ten more pounds by the 25th in order to fit into my bridesmaid dress. I tried it on last week and whaddya know - it zips!

But I can't sit.

Or breathe.

The dress looks like crap on because everything is being squished and pinched out the top. In reality, I need to lose like 15-20 pounds in order to fit into the dress comfortably. However, that for sure will not be happening within the next three and a half weeks. So ten pounds is my goal to be able to sit in the dress. Otherwise...

I am going to ruin their wedding party pictures.

Weight: 198.2 lbs.

Update

My legs are still killing me from Monday.

I still went jogging at 5:00 am this morning.

I. Am. Unstoppable.

'Nuff said.

Weigh-In Wednesday #21

I am back in Onderland. Hopefully my stay will be longer than two weeks! I lost 2.4 pounds this week. I am positive the weight loss had everything to do with boot camp on Monday. My legs are still sore!

Let me share with you the workouts that we had to do at boot camp on Monday...

***Disclosure! I don't know all of the terms of the workouts, so they may be a little off. Bear with me.***

Like I said, I arrived a few minutes late, but they were just starting their warm-ups. The warm-ups consisted of doing jumping jacks down half the length of a football field. Then we had to go the rest of the way doing high-kicks (you are basically skipping but you lift one knee up as high as you can, then switch to the other knee). Still doing warm-ups, we turn around and do frog jumps. Next is a sideways shuffle where your arms are straight out to your sides and your left leg crosses in front of your right leg, then behind it.Then turn around and do it again switching legs - right leg crosses in front of and then behind the left leg. Sound complicated? It kind of was because I seem to have two left feet. Plus I was tired at this point. Have I mentioned this was just the warm-ups?!

Ok, now that I have a good sweat going on, the real workout begins. We start by doing burpees (this term I did not make up. That is seriously what they are called). Immediately, one of the regulars exclaims, "Ugh! Burpees? I hate burpees!" I shortly found out why she hated them.

A burpee is where you start in the crouching position with your hands on the ground. You kick your feet back so that you are in the plank position, you do a push-up, kick your knees back up to your chest, then spring up with your hands in the air. I found this video for your viewing pleasure. The only thing that wasn't included in the video is the push-up. She had us do 30 of these, to which I replied, "Don't people train to do 30 of those?" Hey, it was my first day, I can complain! Somehow, I managed to finish them.

Next, was circuit training consisting of nine cones placed in a large circle. Each cone was a particular exercise and each "round" was two minutes long:

Cone 1: Bicycle crunches
Cone 2: Push-ups
Cone 3: Squats with a weighted ball
Cone 4: Planks
Cone 5: Bicep curls
Cone 6: Pelvis lifts (not sure what you really call it, but you are lying on the ground with one leg straight out and the other leg is bent. You push your pelvis up through the heel of your bent leg. This totally got my hamstrings burning!)
Cone 7: Resisted run (a stretchy group of bands are placed around your waist and the trainer holds the ends behind you as you run in place)
Cone 8: Agility test (two cones are set two feet apart. In a fluid motion you start on the outside of one cone, then hop in between the cones with one foot, followed by the other, and then hopping to the outside of the second cone also one foot at a time.)
Cone 9: Over-head tricep curls with a weighted ball.

After the cones, we had to run one lap around the track. I knew I could do it since I have been running in the mornings (by the way, when I say "running" it really is jogging to normal people. Really though, a slow jog/fast walk). It took me two minutes and 31 seconds to complete it the lap. I was beat tired.

The last two exercises concentrated on abs. There were six of us, but one participant's 9-year-old daughter decided to join in for this one. Oy vey! The seven of us lined up on the ground. The only thing touching the ground was our bottoms. Our legs were bent and off the ground, and our upper bodies were off the ground too. Then we had a weighted ball where you touch one side of the ground, then the other side, then pass it to the person next to you. The ball had to go all the way down the line AND BACK before we could relax.

The last exercise of the night was simple, but took me FOREVER to finish: 50 sit-ups. Not crunches, but full on sit-ups. Suffice it to say that the 9-year-old finished her 50 while I was completing sit-up number 15. Aah to be young again!

After class was done, the trainer took my measurements. They are still too ghastly to share with you all, but hopefully that will change soon!

Weight: 199.2
Reason for Weight-loss: The countdown to "Fit Into That Bridesmaid Dress" has officially begun - only 31 days left til the wedding!

Left! Left! Left! Right! Left!

At six o'clock last night, my palms were sweating and my heart rate was elevated from anxiety. I was driving to my very first *gulp* boot camp class!

That's right, I, Princess Melanie, went to boot camp. My body has pateaued with the workouts I keep repeating at the gym. I know I could lose weight faster if I could just watch what I ate. But apparently I would rather torture my body with exercise than control what enters my mouth. So I needed something new.

I had looked into the Snohomish County Boot Camp a few weeks ago, but chickened out after corresponding with the lead trainer. I was all gung ho to go get my butt kicked at boot camp until I expressed a concern that I wouldn't be able to keep up with the class. The trainer emailed back with, "If you've been going to the gym 4 days a week, you'll do just fine and we do have people of all different fitness levels come. We have beginners who can barely jog 1 lap around the track..." Wait a minute - I can barely jog around the track. I mean, I can do it but I am very winded afterwards. Yes, even though I have been running in the mornings for the last three weeks. So I chickened out and didn't sign up.

Two weeks later, the scale is moving in the wrong direction. I decided I had no choice. I had to do this. And besides, I get one week free! So, with trembling fingers, I signed up online. All day yesterday I was scared out of my mind. What if my knees give out? My arms are sore from my previous workout, what if I can't do any of the exercises? What if they scream at me?!

All sorts of horrifying thoughts kept running through my mind until quitting time at 5:00. The term "Boot Camp" just sounds so foreboding. But it was too late to cancel. I was signed up.

I pull in at 6:04 (the trainer knew I would be a bit late) and they were just getting started. The trainer, was easy to spot. She was this cute Asian girl with Oakley's on. She greeted me from across the field with a warm smile, "Are you Melanie?"

From that point on, I was able to relax. The trainer had me jump right in. It was super challenging, but you work at your own pace. Really, it was like your high school PE class - but harder because you are ten years older and are packing on a few - ok a lot! - of extra weight.

I was lucky the trainer was nice. She was motivating and worked us out hard without being overbearing. I don't know that I would be going back if the founder of the boot camp was the trainer: His name is Mr. Pain. 

So, if you are tired of your same ole, same ole gym workouts, I suggest hitting the outdoors with a boot camp class. It was great to be with other people working towards the same goal as you and who were struggling just as hard. You aren't the only one!

Tatted Up

Blogging cousins, Pam and Marquita, are followers of YA Highway who posted a question that I loved so much that I have to blog about it.

The question of the week was, "What tattoo would you get to pay homage to a favorite book or celebrate the success of your own?"

I don't know that there is a book out there that I love so much that I would get it tattooed on me. But I do have one completed book. A book I am so attached to that I would have no problems getting a two inch tattoo of - drum roll please! - a MIXTAPE! Oh, and pink, of course. I couldn't find a picture of anything I really liked, so I sketched this:

Ok, I was joking about the "Author!" thing, but you get the idea. Not quite sure where I would put it, either on the back of my neck, right below my hairline and off to the side a bit, or on my back, right below the bra line also to the side. But that second option would only be possible if I wasn't eating this:

The anti-diet.

There is nothing sexy about a bra line tattoo if my bra is cutting into my back fat. Maybe next summer, when I have reached, and am comfortably maintaining, my goal weight!

But don't worry, because thanks to my personal handyman, I now have this at home to work off the anti-diet "snack" I had:

I am still planning on waking up at 4:45 on Tuesdays and Thursdays so that I can run on the track because I really like the fresh air. But I figure I up my running regimen and get on the treadmill to jog/walk a mile every morning. I will let you know how that goes. You know me and my "goals"!

Anyway, what about you? Not all of you write, so what kind of tattoo would you get to commemorate accomplishing your biggest goal?